“You feel the butterflies in your stomach flutter at the speed of a raging storm. Your each step is heavy, filled with uncertainty and fear. You are maybe, nervous as well. You know it is your first day.”
I honestly detest first days in general. First day in any new place where you have to be, with new people you have no connection or association with whatsoever. I keep thinking whether I would like the people, will the people like me. Will there already be a group, will they let me in? Thousands of questions reeling in, I enter a new place. Be it school, college or even the dentist! I remember the day I had to go for my first dental appointment, I imagined all sorts of characteristics a dentist could have. He could be the lollipop giving or he could be the snob who took no shit (he turned out to be a mix of both, though :))
So. Three days ago (from today), I started interning at a NGO. Well of course the wheels in my mind whirled, reeled and made noise. I had a plethora of butterflies doing all sorts of gymnastic techniques (techniques I have no knowledge about and cannot imagine myself doing on my own- perhaps even I am not that flexible). The waiting room, one of the miserable places to be, was the first place I was seated in. The creative side of me awoke and started creating a picture of my mentor. He sounded like a man who was all business, I mean through his mails – talking of which, emails are the most deceptive medium of exchange after mobile phones- and his way of writing. Three hours later, I decided I liked him. He knew what he was doing, he knew his work and he knew how to communicate it. And then started the horror, of meeting everyone else in the office, everyone including me clueless of what is happening. Some people were sweet, some okayish, some interrogative and some indifferent. All in all the first day went well.
But, the underlying statement is, I will and shall always fear the first day. It will give me sleepless nights, no matter how many times I have gone through with it and how many times it has went well.
My first day in college was surprisingly amazing and I made tons of friends, my first day at internship was pretty good too, my first travel alone was thrilling, my first dental appointment was better than I expected, my first interview was awesome. Despite of all of this, I shall fear the first days and the first times, because that is how I am!
Statutory warning- This is one of those days when you are waiting for someone to give you work and no one does. Perhaps my mentor does not even know I am in the office. Anyhow, this piece is the outcome of utter boredom and nothing else to do in life! I hope you did not fall asleep, apologies if you did! 🙂